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911 is a joke

Exhibiting a heroically low standard for what constitutes an emergency, last week, a man named Reginald Peterson called 911 to complain about a poorly prepared Subway sandwich.

According to Reginald, he paid almost $12 for two sandwiches, which upon his inspection weren't what he'd asked for. Conflicting reports say his Spicy Italian might have been missing mustard and mayo, or perhaps some kind of sauce. Either way, the sandies weren't right, and Reginald went back to the counter to get them fixed. Here's where the mainstream media claims Reginald freaked out, forcing the employees to lock him out of the store for fear of their safety. Reginald says he just explained that he wanted his sauce or whatever, and that the sandwich artist refused, stole his sandwich and locked him outside. There may be some truth to both sides' stories, but so far, I'm with Reginald.

Once outside, Reginald called 911 to complain that his sandwiches weren't only made wrong, but, adding insult to injury, stolen. Calling 911 is basically the same as calling the cops, so he logically used 911 to report a Sandwich Crime.

When the police failed to appear instantly, Reginald followed up with a courtesy reminder call, reminding them that his sandwich was still locked within the store. For some reason, a lot of people seem stuck on this second call, saying it was a waste of time or resources or something, but I think it was perfectly justifiable. The operator gave Reginald no timeline for a response, and after sitting there getting angrier and hungrier, he understandably wanted some reassurance that help was in fact on the way.

I feel bad for Reginald. Yes, he disregarded traditional 911 protocol and yes, he got a little yelly with the Subway people, but he was tired (I presume), and he was hungry, and I know how that feels. That's no state to be in when someone botches and subsequently steals your sandwich. Therefore, I salute his initial 911 call, and because the responders didn't come diffuse the situation quickly enough, I salute Reginald's second 911 call. Sandwiches are serious business and if I were police chief, sandwich emergencies would become top priority. 911 is a joke.

PS: Note the tremendous sandy-cameo at 0:50 in the PE video.
PPS: The complete audio makes it sound like he called 911 three times, not two. Am I alone on this?


Justin James said…
Why not? We have been in stores where they call the cops on you. Why shouldn't we be able to call the cops on them and their thievery. Down with sandwich capers - even if their defending their art.
Just another example of Racism at a Subway...

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