Skip to main content

911 is a joke

Exhibiting a heroically low standard for what constitutes an emergency, last week, a man named Reginald Peterson called 911 to complain about a poorly prepared Subway sandwich.

According to Reginald, he paid almost $12 for two sandwiches, which upon his inspection weren't what he'd asked for. Conflicting reports say his Spicy Italian might have been missing mustard and mayo, or perhaps some kind of sauce. Either way, the sandies weren't right, and Reginald went back to the counter to get them fixed. Here's where the mainstream media claims Reginald freaked out, forcing the employees to lock him out of the store for fear of their safety. Reginald says he just explained that he wanted his sauce or whatever, and that the sandwich artist refused, stole his sandwich and locked him outside. There may be some truth to both sides' stories, but so far, I'm with Reginald.

Once outside, Reginald called 911 to complain that his sandwiches weren't only made wrong, but, adding insult to injury, stolen. Calling 911 is basically the same as calling the cops, so he logically used 911 to report a Sandwich Crime.

When the police failed to appear instantly, Reginald followed up with a courtesy reminder call, reminding them that his sandwich was still locked within the store. For some reason, a lot of people seem stuck on this second call, saying it was a waste of time or resources or something, but I think it was perfectly justifiable. The operator gave Reginald no timeline for a response, and after sitting there getting angrier and hungrier, he understandably wanted some reassurance that help was in fact on the way.

I feel bad for Reginald. Yes, he disregarded traditional 911 protocol and yes, he got a little yelly with the Subway people, but he was tired (I presume), and he was hungry, and I know how that feels. That's no state to be in when someone botches and subsequently steals your sandwich. Therefore, I salute his initial 911 call, and because the responders didn't come diffuse the situation quickly enough, I salute Reginald's second 911 call. Sandwiches are serious business and if I were police chief, sandwich emergencies would become top priority. 911 is a joke.

PS: Note the tremendous sandy-cameo at 0:50 in the PE video.
PPS: The complete audio makes it sound like he called 911 three times, not two. Am I alone on this?


Justin James said…
Why not? We have been in stores where they call the cops on you. Why shouldn't we be able to call the cops on them and their thievery. Down with sandwich capers - even if their defending their art.
Just another example of Racism at a Subway...

Popular posts from this blog

Review: Pepperhouse Gourmaise

Being that Big Condiment still seems to think Mustardayonnaise  is a joke, I've been forced to seek out a suitable alternative. This search led me to Boar's Head's " Pepperhouse Gourmaise " spread. According to Boar's Head, Pepperhouse Gourmaise is "real mayonnaise with a touch of Boar's Head Deli Mustard and a house blend of black, white, pink and green peppercorns." They also claim that it goes well with poultry, beef and pork. What a pepperhouse might look like if it were a thing ( photo by Justin Sachtleben ) I can confirm that it goes well with poultry and pork (or at least ham — I haven't tried it with any other pig-meats). And the quality of the ingredients seems to live up to Boars Head's high standards. As a black pepper kind of guy, I'm impressed by their fancy pink peppercorns. Still, I can't say I'm satisfied with B.H.P.G. Its color is off-putting and the peppercorns hurt my teeth. And while it's deci

Kewpie Mayonnaise: Disturbing but delicious

After years of waffling , I finally took the dive and purchased a bottle of Kewpie mayo. Kewpie mayo's premium price and disturbing packaging had previously prevented me from buying it, but Grub Street blogger Ian Knauer's Flavor Ammo post about it convinced me to give the baby-themed mayo a chance. For the unfamiliar, Kewpie is a popular Japanese brand of mayonnaise that's often found in gourmet specialty stores, such as Eastern District in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. It's also currently available for 10 bucks on Amazon . The package features a standing baby that could easily serve as a homicidal doll in a horror story. Adding to the unease brought about by the package, the mayonnaise comes in a bag. I can't be alone in my belief that a bag is a completely inappropriate container for mayonnaise. Because of these setbacks, Kewpie mayo takes some getting used to. Now that I've come to terms with the unsettling packaging, I've probably topp

McCriollo: The Puerto Rican Egg McMuffin

36 drafted, unpublished posts and and half a year down ... it's time to start posting again. Let's start simple, with breakfast sandwiches and cultural differences. Last weekend, I went to Puerto Rico on a work trip, and had breakfast at the airport's McDonald's on my way back home . I really wanted an EggMcMuffin -- a favorite I haven't had in a long time. Yet the #1 combo on the menu offered only the mysterious "McCriollo," and there were no English Muffin sandwiches to be found. Apparently the advantages gained by the English muffin's nooks and crannies are under appreciated in the island of enchantment. Undeterred, I took the opportunity to find out what San Juan had to offer in the spongy anglo-muffin's stead. The McCriollo turned out to be about the same as an EggMcMuffin except on a decent chewy/crispy split bun. The name translates to "McCreole," which may make more sense in Puerto Rico, but sounded like wishful marketing to