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Nine. Nine dollar. Nine dollar footlooooong.

This post was going to be about the $5 footlong song, and how it's the best jingle to come along in years. That's still true. How many jingles get stuck in your head like this? Not since "maybe it's Maybelline." This shit's diabolically catchy. People sing it on the streets. This doesn't happen with other commercials. What is it about this one? I think it's the Flaming Lips-style harmonies. The easy-to-remember dance moves help, too.

But no, now this post is about how the $5 footlong is merely a pipe dream to trick innocents into emptying their wallet on some crazy-expensive non-$5 footlong. Yes, this happened to me today. At least in my head, I saw a commercial where Subway announced all of their footlongs were now $5. Apparently, this never actually took place.

five dolla foot long - with ham

I ordered a footlong, reasoning it was worth the extra 60 cents to upgrade from the $4.40 6-inch. The sandwich artist unsuccessfully tried to upsell me on double meat, which I found a mite greedy in light of my footlong purchase. Everything went smoothly until I went to pay and was rung up for $9 including my drink.

"Really?" I asked. "Nine dollars?"

"Ha ha, yes, that is not one of the five dollar sandwiches -- only the chicken breast," the clerk said, laughing (I'm not exaggerating here; she was really laughing).

Defeated, I handed her a 10 and silently cursed Subway's overly catchy jingle for tricking and robbing me.

Adding insult to injury, the clerk (or maybe the sandwich artist -- I'm not clear on who actually wraps the thing) failed to give me or my fellow Subway patron Justin a Scrabble game piece for the sandwich. Sadly, playing the Scrabble game was the only reason I wanted to go to Subway in the first place. I suppose this is what I get for transgressing the covenant of the sandwich gods by eating Subway in Deli Mecca.


Justin James said…
Oh it was great to see the little lady laugh at you. It was almost worth the four mo' dollahs to see the frustration and the blog post that followed.

It is a great jingle - I'm such the consumer - 1. the jingle makes me want to come back(forever) and 2. the newly added scrabble thing is a great marketing move for Subway (and addictive)! They sure got some smart marketing pushers now down at Subway HQ.

I agree about hating the up sell - i wish for every up sell i could just say - no thanks and leave. But that would be unfair for the artist. you mustn't hurt the feelings of your local subway artist if you want a quality sandwich ever again. You will break their spirits and what is a good sandwich without the soul poured in from the artists.

Not getting a extra playing piece was made up by finding someones discarded unrevealed piece.

Good post!
Alex Headrick said…
Justin - I'm not sold on Scrabble yet, especially after the missing pieces. I liked Monopoly where McDonald's gave you an actual game board to fill up. But yeah, you did find that piece ...

Madness - I can't believe I didn't think of that. That's definitely the way to handle situations like this.
Jared said…
The Scrabble game isn't in England. I feel robbed.

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