
So what are these street-folk saying? For one thing, they tell me sandwich naming conventions should be standardized, and I tend to agree. Most people agree that a long, skinny sandwich — that is a sandwich that’s oblong rather than square or round — is called a sub. But somewhere along the way, some troublemakers decided to start calling these submarine-like sandies something else in their hometowns. This has become a big problem in the northeast United States.
According to the font of pure truth called Wikipedia, Philadelphians call subs hoagies and DMX calls them wedges. Where did we go wrong, so that DMX is dictating what Yonkers people call subs? DMX doesn’t even know who Barrack Obama is; why is anyone listening to his crazed opinions on what to call long sandwiches? As I’ve observed, subs are called grinders in central Connecticut, and Brooklynites call them heros. This causes unneeded hassle at best, if not heartache.
As a result of New York City calling subs heros, one can’t order a gyro from a bodega without confusion. As I understand, “gyro” is pronounced something like “yee-row.” But if you order a yee-row at a New York deli, there’s a good chance the guy will ask you “yes, hero, what kind?” and you’ll try to explain the kind with lamb and tzatziki sauce, but he won’t understand. Dammit, why can’t we just call a sub a sub?
Look, Boston — stop calling subs spukies (when I lived there, I never heard anyone say “spukie,” but wikipedia says so, so it’s true). Jersey: although it makes sense, stop calling subs “zeps.” Let me explain:
Right: Zep’s best album is Houses of the Holy.
Wrong: Zeps are best enjoyed with salami and provolone.
I will abide New Orleans calling subs po’ boys because they’ve been through a lot and it’s admittedly a catchy name. But everyone else: a long sandwich is called a sub. Not a cosmo, not an Italian. Those are, respectively, a gay beverage and an ethnicity.
Have I made myself clear?
Comments
[Edit] According to the official Web site, JMS originated on the Jersey Shore, and is therefore authentic. That means either Wikipedia is inaccurate (impossible) or Jersey Mike had the sense to buck Jersey's wrong-headed sandwich-naming scheme and call a sub a sub. Kudos, Jersey Mike!
About Jersey Mike's - thats an interesting one! If it originated in the Jersey Shore, that's more like Philadelphia than it is like New Jersey...but yet he's not calling it a hoagie either! I think you're right and Jersey Mike just had some common sense!