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Swiss cheese: Baby good, Lacy bad

For years I bought the two similar-looking Swiss cheeses interchangeably, never investigating the difference between them.

In a long line at the deli counter the other day, I got on my phone and learned Lacy Swiss is a lower fat, lower salt alternative to regular Swiss, while Baby Swiss is a milder full-fat version.

I tried both and came to the realization that Lacy Swiss is a sad substitute for regular or Baby Swiss' satisfying cheesiness. Lacy Swiss is a hollow lie masquerading as the real deal. Barring some kind of mandatory, doctor-enforced sodium diet, I plan to keep Lacy far away from my sandwiches from this day forward.


Is a Hot Dog a Sandwich? No.

It has come to my attention that the internet is debating whether or not a hot dog is a sandwich. It is not.

Hot dogs fail the "followed by sandwich test," which is a thing I made up to determine whether or not something's a sandwich. It goes like this.

Name a sandwich and see if it makes sense to follow it with the word "sandwich." For example, today I ate a turkey club ... sandwich. That makes sense, thus a turkey club is a sandwich. If I said, "today I ate a hot dog sandwich," you'd wonder what I meant. I'd picture chopped up hot dog bits on bread with mustard, not a hot dog on a bun.

As comedian Esau McGraw said on "Why? with Hannibal Buress," a hot dog isn't a sandwich any more than a wrap is a burrito. Case closed.

Related:

Hannibal Buress: "Buy sandwiches"Is a Footlong Burger Sub Disgusting?