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Excessive YouTube linkage plus sandwich cracker ambiguity clarified

They may be a bunch of tree-dwelling, pointy-eared freaks, but those Keebler Elves work some magic with their tiny ovens.

I needed food fast. I was deep within the bowels of Denver airport in the back of its subterranean regional jet terminal. With 10 minutes before my flight, I hurried back through the dark corridors to acquire quick and easy sustenance.

I grabbed a pack of Club and Cheddar sandwich crackers at the newsstand for a buck and change. I'll say right now that they the first sandwiches in a long while I highly recommend. Their many positive traits are as follows:
  • Both salty and cheesy
  • Plentiful: eight sandies for under two bucks
  • Instead of boring old bread, the filling is sandwiched by crackers, and not just any crackers but Club crackers, which are by all measures the top cracker on the market today.
  • Cheese filling is cheddar cheese, which a reliable and good cheese if not the fanciest. It is not a pretentious cheese.
  • This cheese, it's real, as the package clearly states. None of this fakey Velveeta nonsense.
  • Portability: all eight sandies fit comfortably in my pocket
If this list failed to convince you, then you're hopeless and should probably give up on eating sandwiches, reading blogs, life and everything.

Oh, and I can hear some of you now (in my head, not literally) arguing that Club and Cheddar sandwich crackers aren't truly sandwiches. Look, you argumentative jerk, if the package says they're sandwiches, they're sandwiches. And if you're going to fight me on semantics, here's some common sense for you to put in your guff pipe and smoke: how do these cracker sandies essentially differ from a grilled cheese sandwich? Sure, one's baked and the other's grilled, but they're both cheese between two pieces of flour-based foodstuff. Case closed!

I apologize for ending this review on such a hostile note. The takeaway here should be these are good sandwiches for a good price and you can't go wrong buying a pack next time you're peckish, short on time and in an airport. As the French say: bone apple treat.

Comments

Michael said…
Although I agree with the 'club as premier cracker' statement, I find it difficult to swallow (pun intended) that you qualify these as sandwiches. I suppose you also believe they were actually put together by elves, because the packaging says so. As someone who refers to this blog for ideas to impress his family on his designated cooking days (weekends), I'm disappointed that Cheez Whiz on crackers rates as a 4-out-of-5 sandy.
Alex said…
Are you saying the packaging is lying? Who else would assemble them, if not elves? First, I'm horrified that you would feed your family based on the drunken ramblings of an admitted cheese junkie. Second, it's not Cheez Whiz (which only belongs on Philly Cheese Steaks, by the way, nothing else), it's "Real Cheddar Cheese." Third, I'm sorry to disappoint, but our rating system is highly arbitrary and based mostly on poorly defined factors like the reviewer's mood at the time and perceived deliciousness.

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